Not Intended for Male Readers

Warning – The following blog does contain some graphic detail.

Ladies I've got 2 words for you..."Mammograms suck!" Yesterday I got to experience my very first mammogram. It was not very pleasant to say the least. First they took me in this special waiting room that had changing rooms and lockers so I could change into this special gown with two buttons in the front. Then they offer you herbal tea and have you sit and wait for the technician. I thought the herbal tea was a nice touch to try to relax us woman as we wait to be tortured. Next the female technician (because I would've walked out had it been a man) comes to take you to “the room”. The room is dark (probably a good thing) and in the middle is the machine. She tells me she is going to do one side at a time and walks me through the positioning step by step. She takes the first 2 shots (up and down), and I think to myself “that wasn’t so bad. I can handle this”. Then she says “now were going to turn the machine sideways to get a different angle”. Nobody warned me about sideways. Now she’s moving me all around like a game of Twister. Put your right arm her, hold your left arm there, put your legs there, tilt your head back, shoulders down, turn to the side, lean back and hold your breath and don’t move. She yanked on my breast, while the corner of the metal plate was shoved in my armpit, and then she smashed it between the two plates so tight. I’m standing there “ouch, ouch, make it stop” and holding my breath until it beeps and releases me from its clutches. She had to do that for each side! I am still pretty sore today.

So it is finally over, but the torture does not end. Now they tell me it takes 5-10 working days for the results. Are you freaking kidding me? Do they not realize how mental a women can go if you let her ponder something in her head for 5-10 days. I already went into this appointment really nervous considering that my Dr. ordered the mammogram after my annual examination. Then add the recent news of Christina Applegate having breast cancer, and that she ended up having a double mastectomy and she is the same age as me. I am a worrier in general, so this is not good folks. Now I am just doing a lot of praying and trying to have a lot of faith that everything will be ok. Hopefully I will get results on Monday at my follow-up appointment. I will keep you posted.

If you are a man reading this do me and yourself a favor. Next time you see your mom, wife, sister or other female friend, remember that if she isn't already she will eventually be enduring this same "procedure" ONCE A YEAR.